


There's A Fine, Fine Line

by Sugakane_01



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-11
Updated: 2011-12-01
Packaged: 2017-10-25 23:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugakane_01/pseuds/Sugakane_01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel watches Finn only to realize he's watching someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a first for me since I don't write Rachel or Kinn. The title is taken from the song "There's A Fine, Fine Line" from the musical Avenue Q.
> 
> Rachel POV on unrequited Kinn

  
**There's A Fine, Fine Line**   


Rachel knows that people think she's self-absorbed and self-centered and maybe she is, but that doesn't mean that she isn't _observant._ That doesn't mean that she hasn't noticed the way that Finn has been acting around Blaine lately. She's noticed, in truth everyone's noticed. Finn's passive aggressive. He's combative. He's condescending and rude and always looks at the younger boy as if he's a toddler staring down the new kid at the playground who took his favorite swing.

Rachel, along with everyone else, had assumed that it was Finn's insecurities that led to the quarterback's 360° change in attitude regarding the former Warbler. After all, Finn had never done well with competition and Blaine _was_ incredibly talented, and her former (almost) boyfriend. She had taken him aside a few moments ago and assured Finn that even if she and Blaine were more vocally and aesthetically pleasing, and Blaine had a more commanding stage presence that she was 100% devoted to Finn and their relationship and she would do everything in her considerable power to ensure that Blaine did not usurp his position as male lead in New Directions...but she did hope that Finn would be able to act in the best interest of New Directions and share the spotlight if utilizing Blaine's considerable talents would get them the win that Nationals that she…they…deserved.

Finn had simply stared at her in that adorably confused manner of his and begun to walk away, mumbling about not wanting to be late for Friday night dinner.

Since she and Finn have been together a sufficient amount of time that Rachel feels she qualifies as family (plus she has it on good authority that Blaine is a regular fixture at Friday Night Dinner and her relationship with Finn is every bit as valid as Blaine's with Kurt) Rachel invites herself along.

The Hudmel home is tastefully decorated in a color pattern of gold, green and ivory, with splashes of champagne, burgundy and a muted blush tone that only Kurt could have come up with and put together. The table is adorned with simple white pillar candles, and magnolia blossoms in a tall, champagne colored glass square. There are gold and ivory balls, wrapped in bows and hung from various points in te ceiling that look like oversized tree ornaments. The fireplace is accented with simple champagne colored garlands, elegant white candles and bits of holiday greenery. The tree is done is various shades of champagne and ivory and even the presents under the tree are wrapped in champagne and ivory colored paper, adorned with beautiful bows and ribbons.

"Kurt did it," Finn says proudly, as if anyone but Kurt could have pulled off celebrity home style Christmas decorations in Lima, Ohio. "He even went out and got the wrapping paper because he said he didn't want any tacky reindeer or Frosty The Snowman paper messing up his color scheme. Isn't it awesome?" Finn said, his voice bursting with pride.

"It's certainly impressive," Rachel agrees, cocking her head to side and studying her boyfriend, not quite sure what she's looking for but trusting she'll know it if she sees it.

Finn's beaming; smiling in a way that Rachel isn't sure she's ever seen him smile before. She doesn't get much of a chance to analyze it, because at that moment Kurt comes through the door, slightly out of breath, his pinks cheeks from the cold, a smile curling his lips and bits of snow clinging to his hair. He's unwinding his ever present scarf from around his neck, greeting Rachel and chastising Finn for eating an entire tray of Christmas cookies earlier that day when Rachel looks back at her boyfriend and instead of the embarrassed or annoyed expression she expect to find she sees him looking at Kurt with a look of pure, unabashed devotion.

Her eyes widen slightly and her breath catches in her throat but before she can double check to make sure she isn't seeing things, Blaine comes through the door. Kurt's boyfriend steps in behind Kurt, smiling at Finn and Rachel and shouting out a greeting to Burt and Carol, before casually beginning to brush the snow out of Kurt's hair.

Finn's entire facial expression changes at the display. His eyes narrow and his mouth draws itself into a tight, thin line. He mumbles a hello to Blaine, takes Rachel's hand and leads her into the den, throwing himself onto the couch with a bit more force than strictly necessary.

At dinner, Rachel watches Finn. More specifically, Rachel watches the way Finn acts around Kurt and Blaine. She notices that he takes every available opportunity to cut Blaine off, exclude him from the conversation or just be generally insulting without being obvious enough to evoke the ire of either of his parents. She also notices that his behavior towards Kurt is the complete opposite. For starters, everytime Blaine says something Finn' s lips twitch as if he's bitten into something sour and he doesn't even bother to comment but when Kurt speaks, Finn's attentive, and actively engages in the conversation. He scowls at Blaine, but he smiles at Kurt, and full on grins that make the corners of his eyes crinkle and show all his teeth. Whenever Blaine casually touches Kurt, laying his hand over his on top of the table or brushing their fingers together when he's passing the salt, Finn finds an excuse to touch Kurt by either "accidently" brushing against his arm or bumping his shoulder after telling a joke. When dinner is over and the two Hudmel boys are put to work clearing the table, Rachel notices that Finn takes the opportunity to touch Kurt even more: a hand that lingers just a tad too long on his shoulder or a guiding hand on the small of his back as they walk into the kitchen to put away the dishes. When Kurt and Finn are at the sink side by side she takes note of the way Finn leans into Kurt's personal space to whisper something into his ear that makes the countertenor shake his head in fond exasperation. Finn's behavior isn't exactly inappropriate, but there's something there, something beneath the surface scratching to break free that lets her know that it isn't exactly appropriate either. It's not sinister, but it's not completely innocent.

It isn't until that Kurt and Finn somehow end up under the lone sprig of mistletoe hung up in the house that Rachel gets it. While Kurt's sputtering about mistletoe being passé and how he knows he didn't bring "that trite, over done, completely pedestrian and not to mention poisonous plant into the house because it does not go with the decorating scheme at all" Rachel looks at Finn and finally sees what she's been looking for all night.

Finn's looking at Kurt with such naked devotion it almost feels like she's intruding. It's as if his entire being is filled full to the brim with nothing but adoration for the brunette.

The puzzle pieces slide into place then, like the tumblers of a lock. Finn treats Blaine the way he treats Jesse St. James, as if he's trying to take away something, no someone, who belongs to Finn, someone who Finn loves. The way he treats Kurt is like he's something precious and sacred that Finn doesn't want to share or break or be without. The way Finn looks at Kurt, she realizes with a jolt, is the way he used to look at her. A look she hasn't seen in his eyes in far longer than she wants to admit. When Kurt finally relents and give Finn a small peck on the cheek the smile that Finn gives him in return is so full of love and longing that she has to walk away because she feels as if she's intruding on an intimate moment.

She's standing in the living room, in front of the tree, idly fingering one of the ivory decorations and trying not to cry when Blaine steps next to her and shoots her a wry smile.

"I'm so, so sorry Rach," he says quietly, so sincerely that her resolve almost cracks and she has to sniff and swallow a sob that threatens to escape.

"How did I not see it? How can you stand it?" Rachel asks, partly because its all she's been thinking about for the last few minutes and partly because she genuinely wants to know how Blaine can stay with Kurt knowing what he knows.

Blaine arches an eyebrow. "Rachel," he says quietly, "I'm in love with Kurt." He says it so simply, as if that's all there is to it that Rachel stares at him in open mouthed shock.

"Did you not _see_ Finn? The way he was looking at Kurt, the way he hangs on his every word, the way he _touches_ him? And the way Finn treats you, God Blaine, how can you just…how can you put up with that? I realize denial can be a powerful force but surely you see that continuing to cling to your façade of a relationship will only cause more pain in the end. I for one, have come to the conclusion that ending things with Finn is the only viable option and as your friend I encourage you to do the same." Rachel says, legitimately concerned that Blaine's suffering from some self-esteem issue that blinds him to the reality of the situation.

Blaine gives a small shake of his head and sighs. "Rachel," he says softly, gently as if he knows he's about to hurt her and doesn't want to," I'm not ending things with Kurt because of Finn's behavior. I'm dating _Kurt_ , not Finn. I'm in love with _Kurt_ , and he's in love with me."

Rachel opens her mouth to argue, but promptly snaps it shut again when understanding washes over her, leaving her shaken and almost angry. _Finn's in love with Kurt but Kurt's in love with Blaine._ She replays every interaction she's observed that evening and focuses on Kurt's behavior.

Whenever Finn was rude to Blaine, Kurt reprimanded him and defended his boyfriend.

Whenever Finn scowled at Blaine, Kurt responded with one of his epic bitch glares.

Whenever Finn excluded Blaine from the conversation, Kurt immediately found a way to include him.

Whenever Finn looked at Kurt with stars in his eyes, Kurt missed it because he was too busy looking at Blaine as if he were the most beautiful thing Kurt had ever seen.

The truth hits Rachel like a body blow. _Finn_ looks longingly at Kurt. _Finn_ hangs on Kurt's every word. _Finn_ makes excuses to touch Kurt. _Finn_ lights up whenever Kurt comes into a room. _Finn_ wants Kurt. _Finn is in love with Kurt…but Kurt is not in love with Finn._

Kurt is in love, real, deep, possibly the forever kind of love, with Blaine.

Blaine stays because there's no reason for him to leave. His boyfriend is in love with him, not his stepbrother. Blaine isn't a substitute or second choice or second best. Blaine's relationship isn't a lie, or a cover or an illusion. Blaine hasn't lost the person he loves because Kurt isn't the one who fell in love with someone else.

Finn is the one who fell in love with someone else and Rachel is the one whose lost the person she loves. Blaine isn't in denial, he knows exactly what's going on and where he stands and he knows he has nothing to worry about.

Blaine can see when Rachel finally sees the entire puzzle and lays a comforting hand on her shoulder. "For what its worth, I don't think he meant to hurt you. I think he's just…struggling right now. I can't tell you what to do and I won't, but I will be there for you. I know this isn't something you probably want to talk about with a lot of people so if you need someone, just know that I'm here."

Rachel cracks, just a bit, one lone tear slipping down her face before she dashes it away. She knows Blaine is trying to be a good friend, trying to be supportive but part of her can't help but think its unfair that she's lost Finn but he hasn't lost Kurt. Rachel can't help but remember that not too long ago it was her that Finn wanted and Kurt was the one giving the longing looks and inventing reasons to touch and being passive aggressive.

She nods at Blaine, unable to form words that won't make her sound heartbroken or worse than that-jealous. They both turn as Kurt and Finn walk into the room with hot chocolate and cookies, Finn laughing at something Kurt said and Kurt smiling up at the taller teen with brotherly affection.

Kurt sets the tray on the table and takes a seat. Finn immediately claims the one next to him and Blaine silently sits down on Kurt's other side. Rachel chooses to sit in the armchair, letting the trio have the couch.

She watches Finn watch Kurt, who only has eyes for Blaine and she notices that beneath the jealousy and bitterness, there's sadness. Finn's hurting. He's watching the person he loves be in love with someone else. She realizes that she's not the only one being left out in the cold. She's slightly ashamed to admit it, but it helps a little, knowing she isn't the only one whose hurting, that she isn't the one not getting what they want.

Later, when she and Finn are in the doorway saying their goodbyes Kurt and Blaine end up under the mistletoe, bodies pressed together so tightly that there's no space between them, exchanging a kiss that looks like they are pouring their souls into it. She's standing right in front of Finn and she sees the way the light in his eyes dim and the way his shoulders slump forward a bit at the sight of Blaine and Kurt being _BlaineandKurt_ and before she can give it too much thought she surges forward and wraps Finn in a firm hug.

Finn hugs her back-tightly-and even though she knows its not her he wishes he were holding onto, she buries her head in his chest and hangs on because they both need the comfort. Eventually they let go of one another and Finn walks her out. She gives him a small kiss goodbye, and gets into her car. As she slides her key into the ignition and the lyrics of "There's a Fine, Fine Line" pour from the stereo Rachel begins to sing along softly, looking back at the Hudmel house and knowing that, for her at least, there will never be another Friday night dinner with the Hudmel's.

 


	2. Finn's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn never meant to break Rachel's heart or his own.

**There’s A Fine, Fine Line (Finn’s POV)**

Finn knows that people think he’s stupid, the stereotypical “dumb jock” who can’t think his way out of a paper bag and maybe he’s not the smartest guy in the room but he’s not _dumb._ Finn may not know Monet from Manet or understand the theory of Quantum Entanglement but he _does_ understand people.  He knows how to read them and how to make them feel good, how to convince them to do what he wants and how to tell when they want something even if he doesn’t always know what that something is and right now, Rachel wants something and Finn is pretty sure that whatever it is, it’s not going to be a good thing for him.

Sure enough it isn’t.  Halfway through a speech that he’s pretty sure was meant to be supportive but was actually pretty insulting he figures out that it’s about Blaine.  Finn can’t say he’s surprised exactly; he’s been treating Blaine with barely restrained contempt for weeks now and after Santana went off on him about it he knew that _everybody_ had noticed but it still stings to hear his girlfriend list all the ways Blaine is better than him.  It isn’t until Rachel tells him that she’s 100% devoted to their relationship that the squirmy, uncomfortable feeling of guilt roiling around in his stomach is quickly replaced with a feeling that’s pretty close to but doesn’t quite reach anger.  Finn knows that’s not true.  Rachel loves him _for now_ , but not _forever_.  He’s good enough for high school, for Lima but not New York, for the present, but not the future.  Rachel is 100% devoted to _Rachel_ and Finn is just along for the ride.  She proves him right a few minutes later when she trips over her words while talking about New Directions winning Nationals and instead of saying _we_ deserve it, she says _I_.

Finn knows that Rachel doesn’t really need or expect him to say anything and he isn’t sure what to tell her anyway so he gives her a half smile and a quick hug, explaining he’s late for Friday night dinner.  She usually smiles at him and recites some study by some group Finn’s never heard of and doesn’t care about that says kids who eat with their families are less likely to get depressed, consider suicide or do drink or do drugs but this time she links arms with him and tells him to stop at the vegan restaurant she likes so she can pick up some soup for the meal.

When they get to the house Finn watches Rachel examine the decorations.  Her appreciation for the sophisticated color pattern of gold, green and ivory, with splashes of champagne, burgundy and a muted blush tone that Kurt put together fills him with an overwhelming sense of pride and he can’t resist the urge to point out that their house looks like it came out of a fancy magazine because of his stepbrother’s talent.

Rachel’s reaction is so subdued that it kinda creeps him out.  “It’s certainly impressive,” she says, cocking her head to the side and like, examining him like he was one of the frogs they had dissected in biology last year.  She’s got _the look_ on her face, the one that tells him that she’s _thinking_ or _planning_ or _something_ and that’s never good for Finn.  The last time she got that look he ended up taking swing dance lessons with her.  They’d been asked to leave after three lessons when Finn accidently knocked over this old couple while trying to do a swing out.

Finn just keeps on smiling because he can’t help it; whenever he thinks of Kurt or the awesome stuff Kurt does he feels this happiness that just can’t be contained.  Rachel just keeps on looking at him and Finn wonders if that means he’ll have to take more dance lessons.

Before he can figure out how to distract Rachel from her thinky thoughts, Kurt comes through the door and Finn locks onto his presence with laser like precision.  Kurt’s slightly out of breath, like he’s been laughing or running and his cheeks are a little pink from the cold, little bits of snow are clinging to his hair and he’s smiling this small, mysterious smile like he’s got the most amazing secret but he’s not telling anyone.  Finn wants to know what makes him smile like that.  He wants Kurt to tell him all his secrets and as Kurt unwinds his scarf from around his neck and starts yelling at Finn for eating an entire tray of Christmas cookies and how lucky Finn is he’d made an extra tray for his Warblers reunion sleepover, Finn just beams because Kurt’s not really mad at him.  Finn can tell Kurt isn’t _really_ upset by the teasing light in his eyes and the way the corners of his mouth are fighting not to pull up into a smile. 

Finn knows Rachel’s still watching him with _the look_ but his awareness of her fades into the background because all he really has room for is _Kurt_.  Kurt’s like this tiny force of nature that compels Finn to focus all of his attention on him.  Kurt’s all Finn can really see until _he_ walks through the door.

Blaine doesn’t even knock, a testament how much of a fixture he’s become and  how welcome he is in _their_ home.  He just opens the door and walks in, smiling at Finn and saying hello to Rachel while he crowds into Kurt’s personal space, laughing up at the brunette and brushing the bits of snow out of his hair with a fond smile.

Finn knows his smile disappears.  He can feel the tension drape over his body and mouth thin out into a tight line as his eyes narrow.  He chokes out a hello and then turns quickly and grabs Rachel’s hand leading her into the den and far away from the nonchalant display of affection that speaks to a level of comfort and closeness between the two boys that Finn doesn’t want to think about existing.

Dinner finds Finn in the middle of an emotional minefield.  Rachel won’t stop looking at him like he’s got the key to the mysteries of the universe and refusing to give it to her then there’s _Blaine_.  Blaine who’s sitting on Kurt’s other side, laying his hand over Kurt’s, squeezing Kurt’s thigh under the table or brushing his fingers over Kurt’s when they pass the salt, calling him “honey” or “baby” or “love”.  Finn tries to ignore Blaine and make sure everyone else does as well by leaving him out the conversation but Kurt won’t let him and then Blaine gets his attention when he starts telling Burt about how he’s testing out in several AP classes so he can graduate early and go off to New York with Kurt.

“Kurt and Rachel said NYADA only lets the best of the best audition and even then they only take like 20 students.  You might want to think about going to OSU like me, Puck and Santana,” Finn says cutting Blaine off while he’s talking about his audition portfolio.

“Finn Hudson, Blaine is amazingly talented, and his extracurricular activities from Dalton are quite impressive.  Not only was he the lead soloist for the Warblers but he was on the lacrosse and fencing teams as well as a member of the academic decathlon team and a member of several student groups.  He holds a perfect 4.0, is a valuable member of New Directions and was the lead in our school play,” Kurt cuts in, his voice like steel.  Kurt’s pissed and Finn knows he’s gone too far but before Kurt can really get going he suddenly stops as if someone flicked a hidden off switch.  He takes a shaky breath before turning to smile at Blaine, “NYADA would be crazy not to take you,” he finishes softly.

Blaine squeezes Kurt hand and some silent understanding passes between the two of them before Blaine turns to Finn with a look that doesn’t quite make it to angry but is sharper than his usual friendly face and shrugs, “You’re right.  NYADA is terribly competitive,” Blaine agrees then continues, “Kurt and I talked about it and while Ms. Pillsbury means well, we decided that putting all our eggs in one basket just isn’t wise.  New York and NYADA is of course, our first choice but we’ve also applied to Tisch, Marymount Manhattan, The American Musical and Dramatic Academy and The New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts.”

“If for some reason New York isn’t feasible we’ve also applied to Boston University, Berklee College of Music, Carnegie Mellon University, UCLA, and as in state options Kent State and the University of Cincinnati’s College Conservatory of Music,” Kurt explains, glaring at Finn before looking over at Burt. 

“You applied to all those schools?”  Burt says carefully, knowing how in the past any attempt to convince Kurt to look anywhere but New York had resulted in the eruption of Mt. St. Hummel.

“Blaine convinced me that having a back up wasn’t planning to fail, it was creating multiple opportunities to succeed,” Kurt says simply.

“Kiddo,” Burt says clapping Blaine on the back, “I’m gonna start calling you the Kurt Whisperer.  Don’t ever leave us, I‘ll need you around when it’s time to explain that designer boots and scarves are a want, not a need.”

Blaine laughs and shakes his head, “You’re on your own, Burt.  Only a fool gets between Kurt and his couture.”

As good natured laughter echoes off the walls, Finn chews dejectedly and sighs.  He didn’t miss all the times Blaine said “ _we_ ” and “ _our”_.  He knows couple talk when he hears it, but it doesn’t sound phony like when Rachel says it when talking about them.  It sounded like when his mom and Burt talk about doing stuff together.  It sounded real and that just…bothers Finn. 

His mood lifts though, when Kurt catches his eye and smiles at him, letting him know all is forgiven.  Finn grins back and starts to tell an awesome joke Puck taught them earlier about three ducks named Huey, Dewey and Puddles but Kurt kicks him under the table and shakes his head.  Finn arches his eyebrow and they share a laugh, as Finn bumps Kurt with his shoulder. 

When dinner’s over his parents head up to their room to watch TV.  He and Kurt have clean up duty.  Rachel and Blaine watch from the doorway for a bit then head into the living room.  As they clear the table and head into the kitchen, Finn reaches out and touches his hand to the small of Kurt’s back to guide him out of the room.  Even through all the layers Kurt wears, Finn thinks he can feel the heat of Kurt’s ( _so soft_ ) skin and he wishes there weren’t so many layers between them.  While they’re washing dishes Finn whispers “Puddles” into Kurt’s ear, harking back to his interrupted joke and making Kurt shake his head and bite back a laugh.  He knows he’s dangerously close to an invisible line that divides ok from not ok, but he figures Kurt will let him know if he crosses it and in the meantime being so close to the countertenor feels too good to turn away from.

As they’re gathering the mugs for the cocoa and Kurt’s getting out a tray for the cookies they somehow end up underneath one of the sprigs of mistletoe that Finn secretly hung up all over the house.  Finn’s heart speeds up while Kurt sputters on about the mistletoe being pedestrian and Finn doesn’t understand that at all because it’s just like _, hanging_ there and not _walking_ anywhere but he can’t really think about that too much because _Kurt has to kiss him_.  He feels, rather than sees, Blaine and Rachel’s eyes on them and he hopes his face isn’t giving too much away but he’s kinda sure it is.  Kurt says he wears his emotions like other people wear clothes, out for everyone to see.

Kurt gives Finn a small, chaste peck on the cheek and Finn swears that the small point of contact _burns_ and he doesn’t understand how but that small kiss on the cheek is somehow better than all the kisses he’s shared with Rachel lately.

He glances past Kurt to see Rachel and Blaine and talking by the tree and he wonders what they’re saying.  He wonders if they’re talking about him, if they’re talking about him and Kurt and how wrong he is.

Finn loves Rachel, he does.  He doesn’t want to hurt her, just like he didn’t want to hurt Quinn.  It’s like when he stopped loving Quinn _like that_ and started loving Rachel.  He didn’t _mean_ for it to happen it just did.  Somehow Kurt moved into the spot in his heart marked The One, that special place in his heart that _used to_ be for Quinn and _then_ belonged to Rachel and is _now_ occupied by Kurt.  Finn’s pretty sure that before Blaine he occupied that spot in Kurt’s heart, or he was really, really close to it.

Rachel and Blaine look serious and Finn gets the feeling they aren’t talking about glee or the fact that Kurt and Blaine kind of blindsided her with the information that they have a backup plan in case NYADA doesn’t happen.  Finn’s mouth draws into a tight line, the way it does everytime he thinks of Kurt in New York, away from Lima, away from _him._   Finn knows that he isn’t bothered by the idea of Kurt in New York –New York is Kurt’s dream and Finn _wants_ Kurt to have his dream.  What upsets Finn is the thought of Kurt in New York _with_ _Blaine._   It’s the same acrimony he felt earlier when Kurt rattled off all the colleges that Blaine had helped him apply to.  Finn knows that he isn’t resentful because Blaine is helping Kurt plan his future, he’s bitter because Blaine’s helping Kurt plan _their_ future. 

Finn’s startled out of his thoughts when Kurt taps him on the shoulder.  “Grab the cookies, Finn and don’t you dare eat any on the way to the living room,” he says with mock sternness, smiling at Finn like he thinks he’s perfectly adorable and wouldn’t change a thing about him.  It’s a look Finn doesn’t think he’s seen on anyone’s face when looking at him except maybe his mom.  He likes how it looks on Kurt.  Finn laughs and joking crosses his heart before dutifully following Kurt into the living room.

Rachel and Blaine exchange a look that makes Finn think that whatever they were talking about had to do with him or with Kurt or with _BlaineandKurt_ before they make their way over to where Kurt’s setting down the tray of cocoa.  Kurt takes a seat on the couch and Finn immediately claims the one next to him.  Blaine pauses for a minute, a look of frustration crossing his face before it’s gone and he gracefully drops into the seat on the other side of Kurt.  Rachel sits in the armchair next to the sofa and Finn feels a little guilty at not joining her in the oversized chair.

Finn knows he should turn around and at least talk to Rachel because she’s _his girlfriend_ and _she loves him_ and she’s his guest and it’s just _the right thing to do_ but it _feels_ wrong because all he wants to do be next to Kurt and just _breathe him in_.  Rachel doesn’t seem bothered by it; in fact she doesn’t make much of an effort to talk to Finn at all and only speaks when Kurt asks her a direct question which worries Finn a little because a quiet Rachel is an _upset Rachel_ and an upset Rachel is _never_ a good thing for Finn.

Finn can’t take his eyes off Kurt but Kurt doesn’t notice.  He’s too wrapped up Blaine, cuddling the curly haired singer and cooing about how much he likes it when he doesn’t gel his hair down and how much fun they’re going to have when Kurt goes with him on his family’s ski trip and the reminder of the upcoming trip is just another source of aggravation for Finn.  He has to hear all the time at school how Blaine and Kurt are “endgame” and it’s enough to make him scream but this is something different. 

Finn’s not stupid.  He knows it’s one thing for their _friends_ to think Blaine and Kurt will last forever because in high school _everybody’s_ endgame until the eventual break up but the idea that _his parents_ and _Blaine’s family_ take Kurt and Blaine’s relationship seriously enough to let Kurt go on a _family_ vacation with the Andersons, that both sets of parents just take for granted that Kurt and Blaine will be together long enough to last until graduation and go off to college together and maybe even last beyond that just means that maybe their friends are right and there’s something different, something _special_ about Kurt and Blaine that means they are for real and for good and _forever_ and that’s just more than Finn can bear.

Disaster strikes after they’re done with their cocoa and cookies.  Blaine’s helping Kurt put away their mugs and Finn’s helping Rachel into her coat.  Kurt and Blaine end up under the same mistletoe Finn and Kurt stood under a couple of hours ago.  They look at each other and Blaine waggles his eyebrows at Kurt and the countertenor gives a melodic giggle and then presses himself up against the length of Blaine’s body and winds his arms around his boyfriend’s neck.  Blaine’s hands slide down Kurt’s sides and settle at his hips, his grip possessive and familiar, like he’s held him like that a million times before.  When Blaine kisses Kurt it’s with intimacy and intent, their bodies fitting against each other so tightly that not even a sliver of light can be seen between them and the knowledge that Blaine probably _has_ held him like that a million times before crashes down on Finn and threatens to drown him.

Finn’s always known that Kurt and Blaine, must do _things_ but he’d never really let himself think about what, not even after Santana announced in the middle of the choir room that they were having sex.  Now though, he couldn’t deny the truth staring him right in the face.  Kurt has _been with_ Blaine.  They don’t just hold hands and sing songs to each other and cuddle on the couch and watch Disney movies.  They touch and kiss and make each other fall apart and feel good and just…stuff.  They do all the stuff Finn’s been wondering about and saw in those pamphlets he stole from Kurt’s room.  And all it takes is for Finn to look at the way they’re holding each other for him to know whatever they do it wasn’t like him and Santana in that hotel room or even like him and Rachel.  Sex for them is an expression of something Finn hasn’t experienced yet and it makes him jealous, sad and wistful all at the same time.

What he was feeling must have shown in his face because suddenly Rachel is wrapping her arms around him and holding him so tightly he can barely breathe.  He holds her back just as tight because he knows that when he lets her go he’ll be _letting her go_ and as much as it hurts and _God does it hurt_ , it’s not right to keep Rachel in his arms if Kurt’s in his heart.

Eventually they let go and Finn walks her out.  Rachel gives him a small, barely there kiss on the lips and cups his cheek before climbing into her car.  When she closes the door Finn can hear the music that pours out of her stereo.  It’s one of the songs from that musical with the puppets that Kurt and Rachel like and it feels like the lady on the radio is talking right to him when she sings “There’s a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got” because it _is_ a fine line.  Finn _has_ Kurt.  Finn will _always_ have Kurt.  Kurt loves Finn…it’s just not the way he loves _Blaine_.

Or the way that Finn loves him.

Finn _has_ Kurt…just not the way he wants him.

Finn stands outside watching Rachel’s car until her taillights disappear and he knows that Rachel won’t be coming back, not for him at least not as his girlfriend.  He glances in the driveway and sees Blaine’s BMW.  He drove it over that morning and then left it while he rode to school with Kurt, like every morning.  The car mocks Finn.  It’s like a 3500 pound reminder that while Rachel may have left Blaine’s still there.

As Finn steps back inside and sees Blaine and Kurt still wrapped up in each other, Blaine gently running his fingers through Kurt’s brunette locks and Kurt leaning into the touch instead of ripping Blaine a new one for daring to mess up his hair, a lump forms in Finns throat as he’s forced to admit that not only is Blaine still there…but it’s possible that he always will be.


	3. Blaine's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine knows that hearts are going to be broken and he has no intention of letting Kurt's be one of them.

**There’s A Fine, Fine Line (Blaine’s POV)**

Blaine knows that people have a particular opinion about him, that they see him a certain way.  Blaine’s family, his teachers, his friends, even his boyfriend have made it no secret that they all think of him as the quintessential nice guy: charming, polite, understanding, _dapper_.  Blaine’s almost obsessively well mannered and the fact that he was raised on old money and in “polite society” shines through in his every action.  Puck teases him constantly, calling him an authority figure’s wet dream and insisting he’s the only kid on the planet that could wake up hung over in Kurt’s bed, be caught by Burt Hummel and live to tell the tale.  His nickname among his new Glee club is “Dapper Dan” and everyone ribs him about being old fashioned and the fifties calling and wanting their sensibilities back.  Blaine takes the nickname and the teasing in stride because he figures that, as far as reputations go, being known as a nice guy isn’t such a bad thing.  From the way he pulls out chairs and opens doors to the way he gels his curls into submission to his outward appearance of calm control, Blaine has perfected not the mannerisms but the _art_ of being a gentleman. 

Being a gentleman is important to Blaine and he does his best to live up to his grandfather’s decree that “ _a gentleman is a man who can disagree without being disagreeable_ ”.  Blaine rarely shows his temper and it’s almost unheard of for him to raise his voice.  When he’s slighted or insulted most of the time Blaine simply turns the other cheek.  Not because he’s holier than thou, but because he truly believes in being the bigger man.  He has no problem standing up for himself; he simply believes that standing up for himself doesn’t mean he has to step on someone else, even if that person is trying to step on him.  He’ll fight for what he believes in but part of what he believes in is _civility_ and _respect_ and it takes a mighty push for him to abandon his principles, even in the heat of battle.

That push however, is coming faster and harder these days in the form of Finn Hudson.  Dealing with Finn has required every ounce of Blaine’s self control and restraint.  Finn’s dismissive of Blaine’s ideas, hostile to his presence and disrespectful of his place in Kurt’s life. Blaine is growing weary of constantly turning the other cheek, and is rapidly reaching the end of his rope.  The other teen has been passive aggressive and condescending.  Finn’s competitive and combative, taking every opportunity presented to him to try and provoke, bully and belittle Blaine.  It’s gotten to the point where people have noticed and started to comment on it, from Kurt’s sharply worded reprimands to Santana’s quip about Finn wanting to “kick him in the Warblers” Finn’s behavior has gotten to the point where it’s impossible to ignore.  Even Rachel, who rarely notices conflicts if her interests aren’t in some way represented, felt the need to  let Blaine know that she was planning to talk to Finn and “ease his insecurities and hopefully bring about a swift and amicable resolution to their differences.”

Blaine wonders-and not for the first time-if Rachel has any inkling of exactly _why_ since Blaine’s transfer, Finn’s attitude towards him has undergone a 360° turn.  Blaine’s relatively sure that most of their friends assume that Finn’s seemingly sudden dislike of him can be chalked up to Finn simply fearing that Blaine will take his place as the male lead in New Directions and Finn’s issues with competition in general.  He’s also relatively sure that Rachel would also list the drunken kiss that she shared with Blaine and their ill fated flirtation as reasons.  Blaine however, knows that it’s none of those things.  He knows that Finn’s problem with him can be summed up in one four letter word: **_Kurt_**.

Blaine knows Finn and Kurt have a complicated history and not all of its good. He’s well versed in the Story of Furt.  A few weeks after they had started dating Kurt had blushed and stammered his way through explaining that when he was a lonely, insecure, semi-closeted and then newly out 16 year old he’d nursed a hopeless crush on Finn.  Blaine had held Kurt as he buried his face in Blaine’s neck and told him about mean spirited makeovers and Operation Parent Trap and falling for and following around Finn like a slightly demented but sharp tongued and fashionable lovesick puppy. 

Blaine knows even though he and Kurt have had parallel experiences, there are sharp and clear dividing lines between those experiences and how they’ve been shaped by them.  Kurt’s crush on Finn brings those lines into focus.  Blaine _respects_ that Kurt developed feelings for Finn and logically he can _acknowledge_ it; but _emotionally he simply doesn’t understand it_.  He tries to put himself in Kurt’s place but no matter how he tilts the lens he’s looking through he can’t see the circumstances in which he could develop feelings for a guy who threw _balloons filled with urine_ at him and stood silently by while his friends _threw him in a dumpster like he was trash._   But then, Blaine figures that’s one of the fundamental differences between him and Kurt.  Blaine’s mastered the art of being a gentleman but Kurt has mastered the art of forgiveness.

Blaine knows Kurt’s feelings for Finn haven’t always been strictly platonic but he also knows he has nothing to worry about because any romantic feelings Kurt had for Finn came to an abrupt end in Kurt’s basement a few months later, long before Blaine ever entered the picture.  He knows that Kurt and Finn moved past the awkwardness and bonded as brothers.  He knows that Kurt has legitimately forgiven and chooses to act like he’s forgotten their painful past and Kurt has assured him that he has a genuine affection for his step brother that is in no way inappropriate.

Blaine doesn’t doubt Kurt is telling him the truth.  _Kurt’s_ feelings aren’t the problem.  Blaine knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that while Kurt’s romantic feelings for Finn are dead and buried, Finn’s romantic feelings for Kurt are alive and well.

Blaine knows he can be oblivious but that’s only when it comes to people having feelings for _him._ When it comes to people having feelings _for Kurt_ , he has excellent radar.  He sees how Karofsky looks at Kurt whenever they’re out and they run into the bigger boy.  He’s noticed that he’s not the only one Sebastian eyes hungrily when he thinks no one is watching and he remembers last weekend when he’d practically had to climb into his boyfriends lap to stake his claim when they’d gone to a musical theatre workshop and that boy from the NYADA mixture, Gavroche had been there.  Blaine may be oblivious but he’s not blind and he knows what it looks like when someone is interested in his boyfriend and Finn, well, Finn is _very_ interested.

Finn…Finn took some time for Blaine to catch onto.  He simply wasn’t looking, never imagined, and hadn’t considered that _Finn_ could harbor feelings for Kurt.  It isn’t so much that Finn identifies as straight, it isn’t even that Kurt and Finn are stepbrothers, what consistently throws Blaine each and every time he thinks about Finn’s feelings for Kurt is that he can’t figure out where Rachel fits into the equation.

It was Finn’s feelings for Rachel, or rather his lack thereof, that served as Blaine’s wake up call.  He and Kurt had been on a double date with Finn and Rachel when the topic had turned to New York.  As Rachel talked about all the places she wanted to visit, shows she wanted to see and things she wanted to do, Blaine noticed that Finn didn’t look particularly devastated that she was leaving.  Blaine knew that Finn was planning on staying in state and attending OSU and that he and Rachel weren’t even going to try to make it work long distance.  Finn looked sad, yes, but not like someone who was losing the person they loved.  He looked like someone who had long since let go.

Then Kurt had joined Rachel in the conversation, naming his own New York wish list and Blaine gave silent thanks that he’d followed his mother’s advice and put his Dalton education to use so he could test out of several required courses at McKinley allowing him to graduate alongside Kurt.  He smiled fondly at his boyfriend and then his eyes slid over to Finn and his heart almost stopped.

The look Finn wore was an expression that Blaine knew was mirrored on his own face.  It was a look full of awe and appreciation, want and desperation, affection and desire.  Blaine remembers the shock he’d felt as he’d watched Finn’s gaze sweep over Kurt’s form, take in the long, lean lines of his body and the pale perfection of his skin and soften at the gentle flush on his cheeks and the sparkle in his eyes.  Finn wasn’t just looking at Kurt _with_ love; he was looking at Kurt as if Kurt _was love_.

That single look had opened Blaine’s eyes and he’d begun to _notice._ He noticed every time he saw Finn’s arm casually loped around Kurt’s shoulder as they walked down the hall at school.  He noticed every time Finn would hug Kurt, tucking Kurt into him as if he were made to fit there.  He noticed Finn’s insistence on sitting next to Kurt whenever possible and how whenever he did he suffered from an inability to stop touching Blaine’s boyfriend.  Blaine noticed Finn’s tendency to invite himself on their dates and attempts to make sure that Kurt and Blaine had as little time together as possible.  Blaine noticed and while it made him vaguely uncomfortable, he decided he had enough faith in Kurt and in their relationship to not overreact.

He also has enough faith in his relationship with Kurt that they don’t keep secrets from each other.  Blaine had known that telling Kurt he was sure that his stepbrother was in love with him was going to rate among their most awkward conversations ever, possibly only outweighed by his confession that he had encouraged Burt to give Kurt “the talk”.  Kurt’s response to Blaine’s announcement however wasn’t the same indignant and slightly horrified reaction that Blaine had been anticipating. 

Kurt had merely reached out, taken Blaine’s hand in his and said, “I know.  I…I’ve known for awhile actually.  I wasn’t sure how…to say anything to you about it and truthfully wasn’t sure that I should because the truth is Blaine it doesn’t matter.  I love Finn, but I’m in love with you.  Finn, he’s family and he’s a good friend-one of my best friends-but that’s _all_ that he is.  You are the other half of my heart.  The only feelings that matter in our relationship are yours and mine.”

They had made a pact, to give treat Finn’s feelings with respect but not let them dictate the course of their relationship or their behavior.  Kurt promised to take a harder line when Finn’s treatment of Blaine crossed the line and Blaine promised to come to Kurt immediately if anything happened to change his mind about their decided course of action.  It had been a relatively easy agreement for Blaine to keep until Kurt and Blaine consummated their relationship and –thanks to an ever helpful Santana it became public knowledge.  After that, Finn went from passively disliking Blaine to actively hating him.  The put downs, the subtle and not so subtle jabs, the aggression and antagonism, the dirty looks that occasionally slip out despite Finn’s best of intentions all intensified after that day in the choir room. 

Blaine doesn’t appreciate the hostility and knows he doesn’t deserve it, but he _understands_ it.  He puts himself in Finn’s place and thinks back to the first six months of his relationship with Kurt and how blind he’d been.  He can’t imagine how much it would hurt if he had never gotten his head together, missed out on his chance with Kurt and then had to sit back and watch Kurt be in love with someone else.  He’s pretty sure he’d be feeling-and possibly even acting a lot like Finn is now. 

So Blaine understands, and no matter how angry he gets or much he wants to lash out he doesn’t.  He doesn’t because he promised Kurt and because he’s a gentleman and because he understands, as much anyone can, why Finn’s acting the way he is.

And then there’s Rachel.  Rachel, who Blaine legitimately cares for who he is sure has no idea that her boyfriend has not only fallen out of love with her but fallen in love with his brother-who just happens to be her best friend.  Blaine knows Rachel well enough to know that if the diminutive diva ever had a whisper of a thought that Finn’s heart lay elsewhere she wouldn’t wait until graduation and New York to leave Finn behind, she’d be done here and now in Lima, Ohio.

He’s in the middle of that thought when they pull into the driveway of the Hudmel’s house.  “Their talk must have gone relatively well if Rachel’s joining us,” Kurt says as he sees her car parked behind Finn’s.

“You realize it’s just as likely she thinks it went well when in actuality it was a complete disaster?”  Blaine quips, unbuckling his seatbelt and turning to look at his boyfriend.

“Of course,” Kurt agrees, a small smile playing around the corner of his mouth, “But I choose to think positively.”  Kurt gives him a swift kiss on the lips and they exit the car.

They make it halfway to the door before Blaine remembers that he left his phone in the SUV and rushes back to get it.  By the time he retrieves it, Kurt’s already in the house.  He opens the door and steps inside, just in time to see Kurt take off his scarf and chastise Finn about eating an entire tray of Christmas cookies. 

Blaine greets Finn and Rachel and yells out a hello to Burt and Carol before stepping behind Kurt and beginning to brush away the bits of snow clinging to his hair.  Finn’s expression becomes glacial and barely manages to mumble a hello to Blaine before taking Rachel by the hand and dragging her into the living room.  Kurt sighs, a small, sad sound that Blaine only hears because he’s right there in Kurt’s personal space before he leads Blaine up to his bedroom where they check their emails and get a little homework done before dinner.

Rachel’s presence seems to create a palpable tension at the dinner table.  She keeps watching Finn, as if she’s looking for something very specific and her eyes keep darting from Finn to Kurt and occasionally over to him and the worse Finn behaves the sharper her looks become.

And Finn’s in rare form tonight.  Whenever Blaine speaks a sour, almost disgusted look crosses his face.  He takes every opportunity exclude Blaine from the conversation and seems to get frustrated by Kurt’s refusal to fall for that particular trick.  The only time he gets outright nasty though, is when Blaine is explaining to Burt exactly how and why he’s graduating early and talking about his audition portfolio for NYADA.

Finn makes a remark about how difficult NYADA is to get into and how Blaine might want to try OSU.  The comment itself is fairly innocuous but the _tone_ in which he says it in is anything but.  Blaine feels his temper rise and he knows he’s about to lose it but it’s at that moment Kurt decides that enough enough’s. 

“Finn Hudson, Blaine is amazingly talented, and his extracurricular activities from Dalton are quite impressive.  Not only was he the lead soloist for the Warblers but he was on the lacrosse and fencing teams as well as a member of the academic decathlon team and a member of several student groups.  He holds a perfect 4.0, is a valuable member of New Directions and was the lead in our school play,” Kurt begins, and Blaine isn’t sure how or when it happened but he can tell that Kurt’s not exactly in control of his words or his temper.  Blaine’s tempted to sit silently by and let Kurt verbally bitch slap Finn but he knows Kurt and he knows that in Kurt’s hands words are a weapon and if he’s upset enough he’ll wield them with abandon.  He knows that he has to get the train back on the tracks before Kurt says something he can’t take back about something he’s nowhere near ready to deal with. 

He gently squeezed Kurt’s thigh under the table and Kurt simply comes to a halt.  Kurt takes one unstable breath before turning to smile at Blaine, “NYADA would be crazy not to take you,” he finishes quietly.

Blaine squeezes Kurt’s hand and they exchange a look during Blaine expresses his gratitude and Kurt gives his thanks, before Blaine turns to Finn and tries to school away any trace of irritation from his face before answering.  , “You’re right.  NYADA is terribly competitive,” Blaine agrees then continues, “Kurt and I talked about it and while Ms. Pillsbury means well, we decided that putting all our eggs in one basket just isn’t wise.  New York and NYADA is of course, our first choice but we’ve also applied to NYU, Tisch, Marymount Manhattan, The American Musical and Dramatic Academy and The New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts.”

Blaine knows that Kurt hasn’t exactly shared the extent to which they’ve planned for a future in New York.  He knows that no one, not even Rachel knew that NYADA wasn’t the only school they’ve applied to together and no one knew that not all the schools are in New York.

Or at least they didn’t until Kurt opened his mouth and began to speak.  “If for some reason New York isn’t feasible we’ve also applied to Boston University,  Berklee College of Music, Carnegie Mellon University, UCLA, and as in state options Kent State and the University of Cincinnati’s College Conservatory of Music,” Kurt explains, glaring at Finn before looking over at Burt. 

Blaine notices the way Carol lets out what looks like a relieved sigh and Burt’s shoulders sag forward just a bit as if a weight has been lifted off of them.  He also notices Finn’s expression has gone from displeased to dejected and that he’s stabbing his carrots with more force than Blaine thinks is strictly necessary.

He can’t really concentrate too hard on Finn though, because Burt’s talking again and yeah, Blaine read him right.  Burt’s relieved that Kurt’s looking past NYADA, even examining some in state options.  Burt and Blaine joke back and forth for a bit, the smile not quite reaching Blaine’s eyes when he notices Kurt giving Finn a look full of affection and forgiveness.  It doesn’t even take a second and Finn’s signature goofy grin is on his face and he’s struggling with Kurt to be able to tell an inappropriate joke.

After Burt and Carol retire to their room Rachel, who’s been unusually quiet, stands in the doorway and simply watches Finn and Kurt.  Blaine joins her, taking note of the way Finn’s hand lingers on the small of Kurt’s back as he guides him from the dining room to the kitchen and how his touch lingers just a hair too long when he pats him on the shoulder.  He wonders if Rachel sees the way Finn leans into Kurt’s personal space and how close his lips are to Kurt’s ear when he whispers whatever it is that makes Kurt laugh and shake his head.

Blaine practically sees the moment the light comes on for her.  Kurt and Finn are gathering up supplies for cookies and cocoa and somehow end up under the mistletoe.  Kurt takes the moment to besmirch both the plant and the tradition, while Finn simply looks at Kurt with such want and anticipation that it takes every ounce of the gentleman in Blaine to simply trust that Kurt will handle the situation in a way that respects Rachel, Finn’s feelings and their relationship and not just march over there and kiss his boyfriend his damn self.

As usual Kurt rewards his faith in him.  He smiles warmly up at Finn and gives him a small peck on the cheek.  Affectionate but chaste, exactly the kind of mistletoe kiss you’d give your brother and then simply continues to gather their after dinner snack.

Blaine sees Rachel stiffen and then walk away.  He watches her as she makes her way over to the Christmas tree and starts fingering the decorations and looking-to his eyes at least-like she’s fighting back tears.

He slowly makes his way over to her, giving her a few moments so she can compose herself before he steps next to her and says as sincerely as he knows how, “I’m so, so sorry Rach.”

And that is the truth.  He is truly sorry.  He’s sorry that Finn and Rachel couldn’t make it work and that it hurt both of them.  He’s sorry that Finn is in love with Kurt and that’s hurting both of them too.  He’s sorry that there wasn’t a way to spare Rachel whatever measure of pain she’s going through now and he’s sorry that he can’t make it better for her or for Finn.

He’s expecting it when she asks him how he can stand to know, to see it and _know_ and he tells her the truth: he’s in love with Kurt.  Blaine honestly thinks that his being in love with Kurt, them being together and planning their future speaks for itself so he’s taken aback by her response.

"Did you not _see_ Finn? The way he was looking at Kurt, the way he hangs on his every word, the way he _touches_ him? And the way Finn treats you, God Blaine, how can you just…how can you put up with that? I realize denial can be a powerful force but surely you see that continuing to cling to your façade of a relationship will only cause more pain in the end. I for one have come to the conclusion that ending things with Finn is the only viable option and as your friend I encourage you to do the same." Rachel says indignation and resignation coloring her tone.  Blaine also hears her legitimate concern for him and he realizes that she doesn’t understand, that she thinks he’s deluding himself.

"Rachel," he says softly, gently as if he knows he's about to hurt her and doesn't want to," I'm not ending things with Kurt because of Finn's behavior. I'm dating _Kurt_ , not Finn. I'm in love with _Kurt_ , and _he's in love with me_."

He can tell he gets through to her this time because she doesn’t argue back.  He lays a comforting hand on her shoulder, wanting to hug her but thinking that might be a bit too much for her right then.  He decides to offer her the only thing he can, his friendship and understanding, hoping it’s enough.  “For what it’s worth, I don't think he meant to hurt you. I think he's just…struggling right now. I can't tell you what to do and I won't, but I will be there for you. I know this isn't something you probably want to talk about with a lot of people so if you need someone, just know that I'm here."

For one horrible moment it looks like she’s going to cry and one single tear tracks its way down her face before she hastily wipes it away.  She nods at Blaine and he knows it’s because she doesn’t trust herself to speak.  If he were in her place he wouldn’t trust himself to be able to form words that didn’t sound bitter and broken.

They both turn as Kurt and Finn walk into the room with hot chocolate and cookies, laughing and joking, looking for all the world like the friends and step brothers they are.

Rachel meets Blaine’s eyes and he they silently make their way over to their boyfriends.  When Kurt sits down and Finn automatically claims the seat next to him Blaine fights back the urge to take his mug and bludgeon Finn with it because _really,_ Rachel is _right there_ but he takes a deep breath and sits down on Kurt’s other side, his heart growing heavy when he sees Rachel sitting alone in an armchair that seats two.

Kurt’s talking to Blaine about how much he likes his curls and about how excited he is to be going to Vail with him and his family, and every trace of irritation Blaine was feeling disappears because Kurt is looking at him with such naked devotion that he can’t feel anything but how much he loves Kurt and how loved he is in return.

They all sit there for awhile, making small talk until Rachel announces that she’s ready to leave.  Blaine gets the feeling that she’s talking about for more than the just the night but it’s not his place to say anything so he simply begins helping Kurt clean away the mess while Finn helps Rachel into her coat.

Somehow, Blaine and Kurt end up under the mistletoe.  Kurt’s lips quirk with the effort it takes to bite back a smile and Blaine waggles his eyebrows in response.  Kurt giggles, then simply melts into Blaine, heat spreading at every point their bodies connect.  They are thigh to thigh, chest to chest, hip to hip, lips mere inches apart and they still aren’t close enough.  Blaine’s mouth moves over Kurt’s, intimately mapping every inch, lazily giving and receiving pleasure, forgetting everyone and everything but the boy in his arms.

He thinks he hears the door open but he can’t really be sure.  By the time they finally break away, breathless and a little giddy, they notice that they are alone and Blaine realizes he has to tell Kurt what happened tonight.

“Kurt, Rachel knows.”

Kurt, to his credit doesn’t play dumb or ask Blaine if he’s sure.  He simply folds himself back into his boyfriend’s arms and sighs.  “I figured as much.  I never, ever wanted to hurt her.  Well, not recently.  A couple of years ago I would have gleefully murdered her but now...she’s like the sister I never wanted and sometimes wish I didn’t have but really don’t know what I’d do without.”  Kurt’s voice thickens at the end and Blaine knows he’s fighting back tears and it kills him to know Kurt’s hurting.

“You aren’t the one that hurt her baby,” Blaine says, pressing a kiss into Kurt’s temple, “and for what it’s worth I don’t think Finn meant to hurt her either.”

“I know,” Kurt sighs, “I just wish there was some way for everyone I love to be happy.”

The sadness in Kurt’s voice breaks Blaine’s heart but he knows there really isn’t anything he can say that will make things any better so he just wraps his arms even tighter around his boyfriend and simply holds on.  When Kurt returns the embrace, his arms tight around Blaine and his head in the crook of his neck, Blaine knows neither one of them has any intention of ever letting go.


	4. Kurt's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt knows that hearts going to be broken and he wishes he wasn't the reason why.

**There’s a Fine, Fine Line (Kurt’s POV)**

 

Kurt knows that most people think that he’s melodramatic and theatrical and he can admit that he is.  Everything about Kurt is a carefully crafted production: from the precise pronunciation of his impressive vocabulary to his designer wardrobe to his signature _strut_ , Kurt puts on a show.  Part of it is a defense mechanism, his way of keeping himself safe and sane in a hostile environment but a lot of it is that Kurt honestly is just that much of a diva.  He thrives on the attention, he goes out of his way to pull focus and make sure that he leaves an impression.  He’s a born performer and that’s how he can almost always spot when someone else is putting on their own one man show.

It’s probably his ability to spot a fellow actor, to recognize when people are reciting lines instead of actually holding conversations and wearing a carefully constructed mask instead of showing their emotions that enabled him to see through Finn.

Finn, Kurt knows, is chronically underestimated.  His brother may not be book smart-after all this is the boy who turned in a paper saying Sir Isaac Newton’s most famous invention is the _Fig Newton-_ but after living with him for the past year Kurt knows that Finn isn’t nearly as dumb as he allows people to believe he is.  Finn may never be classified as an intellectual and he may be a bit naïve but he understands emotions and he uses that knowledge to his benefit. 

Finn knows how to make people feel good, how to talk to them so they agree to buy whatever he’s selling and how to find the hidden parts of themselves that they try not to let show.  Finn’s people skills, Kurt muses, are what enable him to be Lima’s version of the Teflon Don.  No one, Kurt included, ever holds Finn’s transgressions against him.  It’s part of his charm, that same boyish, well meaning, aw shucks ma’am image of the all American boy that drew Kurt to Finn in the first place and eventually led to his crush on his now step brother.

Kurt knows that even if he never says anything, Blaine simply doesn’t understand how Kurt could fall for a guy who stood by silently while he was tossed in a dumpster and laughed alongside his friends while pelting him with pee balloons.  In truth, Kurt doesn’t understand it.  He only knows that there is something about Finn that makes a person _want_ to forgive him, see the good in him and look past his faults.  Finn, for all his flaws, Kurt believes is a fundamentality good person.  He’s also an emotionally honest one.  Finn can’t hide or hold back his feelings.  When he cares for someone it’s as obvious as the brightest neon sign in Vegas.  He shows it in his actions and in a million little unconscious gestures.  The same is true when he dislikes someone, it comes through loud and clear on his face and in his deeds.

Finn’s inability to not act on his feelings, Kurt supposes, is ultimately how he realized his suspicions were right, that he wasn’t reading too much into things or once again seeing things that simply weren’t there.  Looking back Kurt isn’t sure exactly when the shift in his relationship with Finn took place but he does remember the moment he realized that, for Finn, things between them had changed yet again.  There wasn’t anything special about the moment itself, there was no grand gesture or dramatic declaration, and it was simply another Friday night dinner.  They were just sitting at the table with their parents, talking about their plans for the weekend when he asked Finn to pass him the salt, which Finn did but not before intentionally brushing his fingers over Kurt’s.  Kurt had looked at up at Finn, a teasing retort about not using him to practice his moves on dying on his lips when he noticed how Finn was looking at him.  Kurt had seen that look on Finn’s face, directed at Quinn or Rachel, he’d never imagined, especially after the spectacular crash and burn of his ill fated crush that he’d see it directed at him. 

That single look seemed to open the floodgates.  Snatches of memory formed a kaleidoscope of moments that swirled around, each image sharper, brighter and more damning than the next.  He remembered all the times that Finn held him a half second too long after a hug or created an excuse to touch him.  He saw Finn trying to sit _in between_ Kurt and Blaine at the movies, or at home on the sofa.  He recalled Finn going out of his way to spend time with Kurt, singing to him instead of with him, blowing off video games with Puck to help Kurt with his NYADA portfolio, cancelling on Rachel to stay with Kurt while he was sick and watch musicals.  He recounted all the hair ruffles where Finn’s touch lingered just a fraction too long and all the times when he crowded into Kurt’s personal space bubble.

Confirmation caused conflict.  Part of him had wanted to confront Finn, Grey’s Anatomy style because _seriously,_ _just seriously_?  But cooler heads prevailed and Kurt realized that as awkward as the timing was, Finn’s feelings were real and they were valid and the last thing he wanted to do was shame or embarrass someone that meant the world to him, someone that he loved.

Kurt _did_ love Finn.  He loved his goofy smile and his insistence in seeing the good in everyone. He loved his unfailing belief that the glass was half full.  Kurt loved how strong Finn could be when he needed to and how much of himself he gave to his family and friends.  He loved how Finn was unable to hold a grudge and how kind hearted and generous the other teen could be.  He loved Finn…he just wasn’t _in love_ with him.

And oh, did Kurt know how it felt to be on the Finn side of _that_ particular equation.  He knew exactly how it felt to have given his heart to someone only to watch them give theirs to someone else.  He remembered every soul crushing moment of seeing Finn with Quinn, and then with Rachel.  He’d never forgotten the gut wrenching pain of watching Blaine serenade Jeremiah and then being relegated to the sidelines during his dalliance with Rachel.  Kurt drew on those experiences and handled Finn with the gentleness and care that he wished he’d been gifted with in those situations.

Kurt was careful not pull away from Finn or make things awkward between them, but at the same time not to do anything that could be seen as encouragement.  Kurt didn’t confront Finn, not out of fear of upsetting the balance, but because he knows his brother.  He knows that when it comes to matters of the heart Finn needs time and space to work things out on his own.  Kurt’s sure that when Finn’s sure what he feels and why and what he wants to do about it he’ll come to Kurt and then they’ll talk.  It’s not a conversation Kurt’s looking forward to.  He’s never broken anyone’s heart before and the idea of breaking Finn’s is just…too terrible to bear.  But all things considered Finn seems to be handling the pain of unrequited love much better than Kurt did and Kurt seems to handing Finn’s romantic feelings for him much better than Finn handled Kurt’s.

Then one day, it seems as if Finn decides that Blaine is the enemy.  It’s a sentiment Kurt understands, after all it was the need to destroy his competition that led to him violating the sanctity of a makeover in order to sabotage Rachel, but the speed at which Finn turns on Blaine is dizzying.  One moment they are fist bumping and watching Buckeye games with Burt and the next Finn is taking passive aggressive pot shots at Blaine about everything from his height to Katy Perry.

Kurt runs interference the best he can.  He becomes a human buffer between Finn’s barely restrained aggression and Blaine’s ruthlessly repressed anger.  He knows that he should tell Blaine why he’s suddenly become public enemy number one in Finn’s book but he can’t find the words and isn’t sure if Blaine’s knowing would make things better or worse.

Of course, Finn doesn’t make it easy for him.  When Blaine transfers he goes from being mildly unpleasant to openly hostile.  Blaine insists that he can handle it, that he’s fine, that he’s ok but Kurt knows that he’s not, at least not entirely.  Being relentlessly attacked, given Blaine’s history can’t be an easy thing to deal with.  Kurt redefines the boundaries again, drawing them in sharper, making them clearer.  Finn seems to get it and backs off Blaine.  Things begin to settle until Santana decides to announce in the middle of the choir room that he and Blaine are no longer virgins and Finn’s head explodes.

Finn ramps up the hostility.  He’s combative, always spoiling for a fight, relentlessly trying to provoke Blaine into giving him one.  He’s constantly trying to embarrass or exclude Blaine in glee.  It reaches a point where his treatment of Blaine is so egregious that other people start to take notice and Santana of all people, calls him out for it.

Kurt knows they’ve reached the point of no return when Rachel whispers to him that she’s going to speak to Finn about his behavior.  If _Rachel_ has noticed, then things have truly gone too far.

Rachel…Rachel is a part of the equation that Kurt honestly tries not to let himself think about.  He has no idea how it happened but somehow they’ve gone from battling each other for boys and solos to being best friends.  He’s slept in her bed and read her diary.  He knows her fears and insecurities.  He’s braided her hair and raided her kitchen.  He’s talked on the phone with her about Lima and the future and _their_ future until the sun came up.  They’ve been honest with each other-brutally so at times-about the other’s faults and failings.  They’ve never pulled a punch or beaten around the bush.  If there’s one person, other than Blaine, that gets Kurt at his core, it’s Rachel. 

Rachel has seen him at his best and at his worst; they’ve stabbed each other in the back and held each other when they’ve cried.  Even before they were friends there was never anything he couldn’t say to her.  Until now, until _this,_ he’s never held back with her but he simply doesn’t have the words to tell her that _her_ boyfriend is in love with _him_.  He justifies his silence by telling himself that it’s not his secret to tell, that technically it’s Finn’s, but he still feels like a _lying liar_ every time he sits and listens to her angst over her relationship with the quarterback and remains silent while she ponders why Finn seems so distant and sad lately.

He has no idea _how_ to tell Rachel and he has no idea _what_ to tell Blaine.  He’s stuck and he’s afraid that one wrong move on his part is going to leave all four of them heartbroken.  His instincts are at war with each other.  He wants to go to Blaine but part of him feels like that would be outing Finn.  He wants to tell Rachel the unvarnished truth but also wants to protect her from heartbreak.  He wants to sit Finn down and talk about things but has no idea what he’d even say and doesn’t think Finn’s ready to hear any of it anyway.  It’s all so much, _almost too much_ and as much as he aches for someone to share the burden he has no idea who that person could-or even should-be.

Then the decision is taken out of his hands because apparently, his boyfriend is a lot more observant than Kurt’s given him credit for.  Blaine comes to him one day, explaining his suspicions and citing several examples of Finn’s increasingly possessive and aggressive behavior as evidence.  Kurt doesn’t even attempt to deny it.  His relationship with Blaine is built on honesty and trust.  He’s never lied to Blaine, ( _not about anything that mattered.  It really was for the best that the cleaners “lost” all of Blaine’s cropped trousers_ ) and he had no intention of starting.  So he did the only thing he could and told the truth.

Kurt reached out, took Blaine’s hand in his and said, “I know.  I…I’ve known for awhile actually.  I wasn’t sure how…to say anything to you about it and truthfully wasn’t sure that I should because the truth is Blaine it doesn’t matter.  I love Finn, but I’m in love with you.  Finn, he’s family and he’s a good friend-one of my best friends-but that’s _all_ that he is.  _You_ are the other half of my heart.  The only feelings that matter in _our_ relationship are yours and mine.”

To his credit, Blaine proves to Kurt that he was exactly the man Kurt believes him to be.  He simply accepted Kurt’s statement at face value and allowed Kurt to determine the best course of action.  Kurt knows that someone else, someone less secure, less generous, less trusting, less _Blaine,_ would have forced the issue, maybe even given him an ultimatum, but Blaine chose to have faith in them, to have faith in Kurt and damn if that didn’t just make Kurt love him more.

They decided to continue to treat Finn’s feelings with respect but not to let Finn have the power to dictate the course of their relationship or their behavior.  Kurt promised Blaine he’d set firmer boundaries regarding how Finn treated his boyfriend and Blaine promised Kurt he’d come to him if any time for any reason the agreed upon solution was no longer working for him.

So they navigate the troubled waters together, determined to not let Finn’s feelings negatively impact their relationship.  It isn’t easy but it’s not impossible, and Kurt figures that until something happens to force a change that things are as good as they are going to get.

That “something” turns out to be Rachel.  When Kurt and Blaine pull into Kurt’s driveway her car is parked behind Finn’s, prompting Kurt to remark that their talk must have well.

“You realize it’s just as likely she thinks it went well when in actuality it was a complete disaster?”  Blaine quips, unbuckling his seatbelt and turning to look at his boyfriend.

Kurt agrees but lauds the power of positive thinking before kissing Blaine and getting out of the car.  They make it halfway to the house before Blaine remembers his cell phone is still in the car and rushes back to get it.  Kurt shakes his head in exasperation and resists the Burt like voice in his head urging him to call out, “You’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached,” and makes his way inside.

He sees Rachel and Kurt in the living room, Rachel admiring his decorating skills and says hello.  Rachel is unusually quiet but Finn immediately gifts him with a smile. 

“Hello Rachel and don’t you flash those pearly whites at me, they’ll do you no good Finn Hudson,” Kurt scolds as he unwinds his scarf, “you better thank your lucky stars that when I made my Holiday cookies I took your insatiable appetite for sugar and carbohydrates into consideration and made an extra tray otherwise I’d be forced to exsanguinate you right now.”  He smiles to take the sting out of the words and Finn grins back at him, his expression just a little too open for a man whose girlfriend is standing right next to him.  Kurt can’t be sure but he thinks he sees a flicker of something-perhaps suspicion flash across Rachel’s face as she looks up at Finn but it’s gone as quickly as it came.

Before Kurt has a chance to say anything else, Blaine is coming through the door, yelling out greetings of his own and carding his fingers through Kurt’s hair to brush away bits of snow.  Kurt’s heart sinks just a little when Finn’s eyes grow cold and his mouth thins out at the display of affection.  He can’t help the small sigh that escapes when Finn mumbles a terse hello to Blaine and escapes with Rachel into the living room.  Kurt decides the best course of action is for he and Blaine to spend some time alone before dinner and he takes his boyfriend by the hand and leads him up to his bedroom.

Dinner can is more like a torture exercise than a family gathering.  Rachel’s presence seems to exacerbate the situation, causing Finn to be even more antagonistic towards Blaine than usual.  Finn seems to have made it his mission to make sure Blaine never finishes a sentence and bring up topics that he knows Blaine can’t contribute to.  Blaine is desperately trying to hang onto his dapper persona and not lash out at Finn but Kurt can tell his patience for Finn’s behavior has just about run out.  Rachel is watching Finn like a hawk, her eyes growing more and more accusing as the dinner wears on and Kurt is pulling double duty, trying to keep Finn in line and keep Blaine involved in the conversation.

The bottom drops out when Finn makes a snide comment that implies Blaine isn’t good enough for NYADA or New York.  Kurt can tell that Blaine is _done_ and he’s two seconds from asking Finn if he wants to take it outside and suddenly Kurt has had _enough._

“Finn Hudson, Blaine is amazingly talented, and his extracurricular activities from Dalton are quite impressive.  Not only was he the lead soloist for the Warblers but he was on the lacrosse and fencing teams as well as a member of the academic decathlon team and a member of several student groups.  He holds a perfect 4.0, is a valuable member of New Directions…,” the words are just pouring out of Kurt and he knows Carol has to be uncomfortable and his dad is probably wondering what’s gotten into his boys and he doesn’t even want to think about what Rachel might be thinking but _he can’t stop talking_ because the only thing that matters to him is protecting Blaine, even if that means protecting Blaine from Finn.

Suddenly there’s a firm, gentle pressure on his thigh.  Blaine’s touch is enough to calm and center him, rein him in and remind him that this is neither the time nor the place to declare war.  He takes a breath to calm himself and turns to Blaine, with a small smile and says, “NYADA would be crazy not to take you.” 

Blaine then redirects the attention to himself and clues Finn, and the rest of the family, in on their college plans and oh that was a conversation Kurt was not prepared to have.  NYADA was his first choice but Blaine had convinced him that there was nothing wrong with a safety school….or ten and they’d applied to several schools in New York and throughout the country.

Kurt had just…neglected to let anyone in on those fun facts, mostly out of embarrassment.  Burt had tried earlier in the year to get Kurt to open up to the possibility that he might not get into NYADA and apply elsewhere.

Kurt hadn’t taken it well.  He chooses to block out the entirety of the memory but there may have been accusations of dream killing, emotional twirling and the dramatic throwing of his body across his bed as he broke down sobbing while Burt backed slowly out of the room.

“Kiddo,” Burt says when Blaine finishes the list of schools they applied to, “I’m gonna start calling you the Kurt Whisperer.  Don’t ever leave us, I‘ll need you around when it’s time to explain that designer boots and scarves are a want, not a need.”

Kurt decides to let the comment slide because everyone seems to be in a good mood again.  He hears Finn sigh and the look on his face is enough to make Kurt offer an olive branch in the form of a smile.  Finn brightens instantly and-for reasons Kurt simply cannot fathom-begins to repeat a crude joke Noah told during lunch-and Kurt swiftly kicks him under the table and shakes his head.  Finn raises his eyebrows at him and Kurt can’t help but to laugh and they bump shoulders.

Dinner winds down and Burt and Carol flee the teenage angst of downstairs for the sanctity of their bedroom.  Finn and Kurt are on clean up duty and Blaine and Rachel watch them from the doorway for awhile and then wander off into the living room. 

Kurt feels Finn’s touch ghost over the small of his back, guiding him into kitchen and internally panics, hoping that Blaine is distracting Rachel, that the pensive, penetrating gaze she kept leveled at Finn all night didn’t mean what he thought it meant and she’s still in the dark, blissfully unaware as opposed to trapped in this emotional quagmire with the rest of them. 

Finn and Kurt make short work of the dishes-despite Finn’s insistence on referencing that tasteless joke that Kurt absolutely did not laugh at-and gather up hot chocolate and some of Kurt’s holiday cookies an after dinner treat.  Kurt has no idea how, but he and Finn end up under the mistletoe together, which is just ridiculous because Kurt didn’t even _hang_ any mistletoe and suddenly the word vomit is back.  Kurt launches into diatribe about how it’s a stupid tradition and a poisonous plant and who the hell let something so pedestrian and trite make its way into his decorating scheme.  He knows he sounds just a little unreasonable but he’s afraid to stop talking because if he does he’ll see just how much of a disaster this is because Rachel’s looking at them and Blaine’s looking at them and he can see in his eyes that Finn wants a kiss and if he can see it, he’s pretty sure they can see it too.

Kurt finally realizes that the only way he’s going to get out from under the mistletoe is to kiss Finn, so he gives him a small, affectionate but extremely chaste kiss on the cheek and steps away quickly.

Finn’s face is so completely open that it almost hurts to look at him, to see all the love reflected there and know he can’t return it breaks Kurt, just a bit.  Out the corner of his eye he sees Rachel and Blaine whispering by the Christmas tree and his heart sinks because yeah, Rachel knows.

Kurt knows that he didn’t steal Finn.  He knows that he didn’t sabotage their relationship and that Finn’s feelings are not the result of any manipulations or seduction on Kurt’s part.  That knowledge does nothing to silence the little voice in the back of his head that sounds distinctly like Rachel calling him a backstabbing boyfriend stealer.

Kurt gets Finn’s attention, snapping him out of whatever daydream he was in and they walk into the living room.  Kurt sits his tray on the table and takes a seat on the sofa.  Finn automatically takes the seat beside him and Kurt wants to hit him because his girlfriend is _right there_ but he just makes eye contact with Blaine and cuddles into his boyfriend when Blaine takes the seat on his other side.  Rachel gracefully claims the armchair and the sight of her sitting alone in the oversized chair intensifies Kurt’s guilt tenfold. 

Rachel’s quiet, too quiet and Kurt’s torn between letting her be and talking her ear off.  He manages to find a somewhat happy medium and but after the stress of the evening he’s spent and all he can really do is fold into Blaine and remind himself that it’s not his fault.

Kurt can feel Finn looking at him but he’s spent.  Blaine seems to catch onto Kurt’s mood because he simply holds him and gently runs his fingers through Kurt’s hair while he prattles on about how excited he is to go to Vail with Blaine and his family and how much he likes Blaine’s curls.

They struggle through a few minutes of small talk before Rachel says she’s leaving.  Finn walks her to the door and Blaine helps Kurt collect the mugs and cookie tray.  Somehow, once again, Kurt finds himself under the mistletoe.  This time though, it’s with Blaine and Kurt feels a smile threaten to break through and then Blaine waggles his eyebrows at him and all the tension just drains away.  Kurt knows that he’s right where he needs to be with the person he needs to be with.  He steps into Blaine’s embrace, and their bodies fuse together until it’s nearly impossible to tell where Kurt ends and Blaine begins.  Their kiss renews and restores Kurt and he finds his solace and security in the slick slide of Blaine’s tongue over his and the firm, gentle pressure of his boyfriends soft lips.

When they finally break away Kurt’s melancholy has lifted and they notice they are alone.  Blaine takes a deep breath and Kurt can tell he’s gearing up to tell him something.

“Kurt, Rachel knows.”

It’s not unexpected but it still rocks him.  Kurt fights down the urge to run out the door after Rachel and plead his case and instead steps back into his boyfriends arms.

“I figured as much.  I never, ever wanted to hurt her,” Kurt says softly.  “Well, not recently.  A couple of years ago I would have gleefully murdered her but now she’s like the sister I never wanted and sometimes wish I didn’t have but really don’t know what I’d do without.”  Kurt feels the unshed tears burn his throat but he doesn’t give into them, choosing instead to burrow further into Blaine.

“You aren’t the one that hurt her baby,” Blaine says, pressing a kiss into Kurt’s temple, “and for what it’s worth I don’t think Finn meant to hurt her either.”

Kurt knows.  He knows that Finn didn’t mean to hurt Rachel, he knows that Finn didn’t mean to hurt himself, just like he doesn’t mean to hurt Finn but he also knows that despite everyone’s best intentions there’s a whole hell of a lot of pain going around.

“I know,” Kurt sighs, “I just wish there was some way for everyone I love to be happy.”

He lets himself sink into Blaine’s embrace, seeking the comfort and security that he always finds there.  Kurt used to think having two boys in love with him would be like living some sort of dream.  The reality, especially when its two boys that he genuinely loves and respects, is that it’s more like a waking nightmare.  He’s not torn; there is no competition, no choice to make.  His heart belongs to Blaine, but that doesn’t stop it from aching for Finn because Kurt knows he’s hurting, Kurt knows that he’s the reason why and Kurt knows that all he can do is love him through it the very best way he can, even if it’s not the way Finn wants him to. 

He tightens his arms around Blaine, thankful that among the ruins of broken hearts and discarded dreams he’s found someone real and solid to hold onto, someone he has no intention of ever letting go of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started as a quick little one shot examining Rachel's POV on unrequited Kinn...and grew into this. There *may* be one more piece coming from Burt and Carol's POV but I'm not sure when that will be up.


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